101 Emotions
Like the phoenix, this is about the power of rising — no matter how many times your spirit is crushed.
· Shame is the feeling that Iam wrong, not just that something happened.
· It makes me want to hide,shrink, disappear, or become acceptable as fast as possible.
· For me, shame is often old. Itcan arrive before Ive even done anything.
· Shame tries to keep me safe bypreventing rejection, punishment, or humiliation.
· It pushes me to self-edit,people-please, over-explain, or stay silent.
· When Ive lived through abuse orbeing blamed, shame can become a learned survival strategy: If I make myselfthe problem, I can predict what happens next.
· In my body:
o Hot face, sinking stomach,tight throat
o Heavy chest, slumped posture,wanting to curl in
o Nausea, fatigue, a drop feeling
· In my mind:
o Im too much / Im not enough
o Theyll think Imstupid/weird/crazy
o Replaying mistakes, searchingfor what I did wrong
o Believing I have to justifymyself to deserve basic respect
· In my behaviour:
o Hiding, withdrawing, avoidingmessages or people
o Over-explaining,over-apologising
o Fawning/people-pleasing, tryingto be easy
o Perfectionism orprocrastination (because it feels unsafe to be seen)
· Being blamed, doubted,dismissed, or talked over
· Being misunderstood (especiallywhen Im trying to be clear)
· Making a mistake in public,being corrected harshly
· Someone using my vulnerabilityagainst me
· Being pressured to prove what Iexperienced
· Anything that echoes pasthumiliation, control, or silencing
· Guilt: guilt says I did something wrong; shame says I am wrong.
· Humility: humility is grounded; shame is collapsing.
· Accountability: accountability is specific and repairable; shame is global andpunishing.
· What I need:
o Safety to be seen withoutpunishment
o Compassion instead ofself-attack
o Reality-checking: Is this mine,or was it put on me?
o One safe person or one safeplace to tell the truth
· What has to stop / what Iwont do:
o I wont keep shrinking to makeothers comfortable
o I wont accept being treatedlike Im less than
o I wont keep explaining myselfto people committed to misunderstanding me
· What helps me in the moment(05 minutes):
1. Name it: This is shame.
2. Bring my body back: feet onfloor, hand on chest, longer exhales.
3. Soften the posture (shamecollapses me I gently uncurl).
4. One true sentence: Im allowedto exist while imperfect.
5. Reduce exposure to the shamingenvironment if I can.
· What helps me the same day(560 minutes):
1. Write: What am I afraid theyllthink about me?
2. Separate facts from shamestories.
3. Talk to someone safe who doesntweaponise my honesty.
4. Do one small self-respectaction (food, shower, tidy one thing, rest).
· What helps me longer term:
o Practice self-compassion as askill (not a mood)
o Build boundaries with peoplewho use shame as control
o Replace prove myself habitswith choose myself habits
o Keep returning to the truth:shame is often a scar, not a fact
· If shame becomes constant,isolating, or makes me unsafe, I treat that as a sign I need more support thana blog post can give.
· Vignette ideas:
o The moment I realised I wasapologising for having needs.
o The moment I stopped calling myquestions stupid and started calling them clarity.
· When I feel shame, I oftenalso feel: Guilt, Anxiety, Fear, Anger, Numbness
· Tools that support me here: Self-compassion practices, Grounding techniques, Journaling promptsfor shame, Boundary scripts
· Im not a therapist. Im sharingmy lived experience and what Ive learned along the way because the more we talk about theseexperiences and emotions honestly, the more chance we have of protecting futuregenerations.
· Read more about this projecthere: About 101 Emotions (link)