101 Emotions
Like the phoenix, this is about the power of rising — no matter how many times your spirit is crushed.
· Love is the feeling of deepconnection, care, and attachment — to myself, to another person, to my child,to a place, to an idea, to a life I’m building.
· For me, love isn’tperformative. It’s not grand gestures. It’s steadiness.
· Love can be soft and warm, butit can also be fierce and protective.
· Love pulls me toward connectioninstead of isolation.
· It reminds me I’m not only whathappened to me — I’m also what I choose to build.
· It helps me keep my values whenI’m under pressure.
· In my body:
o Warmth in my chest, softerbelly, slower breath
o A grounded “yes” feeling (notfrantic)
o Sometimes tears — not frompain, but from being touched by something real
· In my mind:
o “I want to know you.” “I wantyou safe.” “I want to stay.”
o More patience, more generosity,more perspective
o Less scorekeeping
· In my behaviour:
o I show up consistently
o I listen without trying to win
o I do small, practical acts ofcare
o I protect what matters(including my boundaries)
· Safety. Calm. Predictability.
· Being seen without beinganalysed.
· Shared history, shared effort,shared humour.
· Quiet moments: makingsomething, organising, caring for my space, creating.
· Watching my child bethemselves.
· Trauma can make love feel risky— like closeness equals danger.
· If I’ve been punished forhaving needs, love can get tangled with fear.
· If I’ve been used, love canfeel like a trap instead of a gift.
· Attachment: the bond; love may be present, but attachment can exist withoutsafety.
· Lust/infatuation: intensity and chemistry; love is steadier and clearer.
· Compassion: care for suffering; love includes joy, delight, and devotion too.
· Gratitude: appreciation; love is deeper and more relational.
· People-pleasing: performing to keep someone isn’t love.
· Rescuing: saving someone to feel safe isn’t love.
· Trauma bonding: intensity + instability isn’t love.
· Control: if I’m controlling, I’m not connected — I’m trying to manage fear.
· What I need:
o Safety and respect(non-negotiable)
o Consistency over intensity
o Space to be a full person, nota role
o Permission to receive, not onlygive
· What has to stop / what Iwon’t do:
o I won’t trade my wellbeing forcloseness
o I won’t call harm “love” tomake it bearable
o I won’t shrink to keep someonecomfortable
· What helps me in the moment(0–5 minutes):
1. Ask: “Is this safe love, or isthis fear dressed up as love?”
2. One grounding breath + softenshoulders/jaw.
3. Choose one true sentence: “Ican care and still have boundaries.”
· What helps me the same day(5–60 minutes):
1. Do one small act of love thatdoesn’t cost me my dignity (a message, a meal, a tidy corner, a hug, a rest).
2. If I’m activated: pause bigdecisions until my body settles.
3. Journal: “What do I want loveto feel like in my life?”
· What helps me longer term:
o Build love around values:respect, honesty, safety, consent
o Practice receiving (withoutapologising)
o Learn my patterns: fawn,freeze, over-functioning
o Keep love practical: routines,care, repair, follow-through
· If love becomes obsession,panic, or self-erasure, that’s a sign my nervous system is in threat mode.
· If I’m constantly “proving”love, I’m not in love — I’m in survival.
· Vignette ideas:
o A moment I felt loved withoutbeing controlled.
o A moment I chose self-love (aboundary) and didn’t abandon myself.
· Love often sits near: Compassion, Tenderness, Calm, Joy, Gratitude, Relief
· Love can be blocked by: Fear, Shame, Numbness, Distrust, Overwhelm
· Tools that support me here: Boundary scripts, “safe person” list, grounding, self-compassion
· I’m not a therapist. I’msharing my lived experience and what I’ve learned along the way — because themore we talk about these experiences and emotions honestly, the more chance wehave of protecting future generations.
· Read more about this projecthere: About 101 Emotions (link)